Aging

Where has time gone? I began to blog with the desire to share life influencers with my children. At the time I felt that my memories and thoughts were really all I had to give them. They were at stages of life and maturity that in some ways prevented me from directly influencing them, through the stories that had shaped my early life. I was also at a stage of life where I was very reflective and sentimental. I did grow up in a rich and wonderful time of American history and family. By “rich” I don’t mean monetary wealth but wealth that can’t be created other than through life experiences, and family ties. It has been some time since my last blog. Today, I am between Bishkek and Istanbul on TK 345. This is my 7th time to Central Asia in the last 4 years. It is a fascinating place. I place that has some much rich and aged culture. A place where historically tyrants have conquered and ruled them for centuries. Atila the Hun - Linen to name a few. But hidden in that history is the ultimate tyrant - Satan. Central Asia is a place where Christ is a stranger, a foreigner in every aspect of the term. His name is recognized. His gospel is misunderstood and rejected. Spiritual darkness here is pervasive and felt. There is a spiritual blindness that has settled on this land and people. That is why I come here. The darkness that overshadows this land, used to overwhelm my life. Salvation came to me through the life, hands and heart of those who loved Jesus beyond anything else and they were not afraid to share the wonders of His mercy and grace with the broken and sinful - ME. Wherever I go in the world; whether it is here, India, Asia, Africa I am persistently reminded of how God pursued me and in mercy through His word gave me the faith to believe. I’ve never gotten over that experience. Yes, I have made a mess of some of the years that followed- I walked in self- deception, self-pity and clinical depression- only to be set free from bondage again. (That will have to be another blog - probably not!) I guess I had better get the thoughts around the title: Aging Aging has very few benefits! I am told that with age comes wisdom - only for those who walk in truth and seek to obey what they find in God’s word. Wisdom most often comes more through pain than anything else. The pain of loss, the pain of regret, the pain of mistakes that mark your soul and damage those you love and treasure, even their souls. Wisdom has some demands: Faithfulness - Character - Submission - Humility and probably most importantly Abiding. We are only as wise as we are connected - Jhn15. Without abiding - we are simply lost idiot believers - missing the whole point of Christ death and resurrection. Aging brings clarity - Clarity about what really matters in the realm of life - family - and most importantly eternity. I have had the utmost privilege to do life with the most amazing woman. She is beautiful-bold- soft and gracious. She is tender- fearful at times and sacrificial. Her heart of mercy leads her- her experience of abuse keeps her strong, determined and stable- Her love for family brings her the utmost joy. Clarity for me is simple - I want to finish my race in such a way that Jesus is smiling as I cross the finish line and she is holding my hand when it happens. Nothing else matters! I can’t manufacture the fruit that I want to mark my life - I can only be faithful with the calling and gifts He has given me- regardless of my age- my limitations that seem to be creeping up on me as I age. One thing I can do is walk in obedience toward Christ - Walk in Love toward my beloved. Aging should make us better- never bitter - My biggest fear as I age it’s that I will be the victim of dementia and loose my capacity to extravagantly love and enjoy those near me until the end. I fear the possibility that I might become bitter and that hardness would define my later years. I pray that it doesn’t happen. Aging in Christ brings fulfillment- When you are young fulfillment is confusing and evasive because we don’t have the maturity necessary to understand what it actually is. We are too wrapped up in our feelings - our desire to be notable - to “make a difference”. Now that I’ve had the privilege of walking with Christ for 40+ years. I’ve have repeatedly been overwhelmed by His grace and mercy toward me - in that He has given me a dream and allowed me to live it in these latter years. It’s interesting how just staying faithful and persevering through difficult times can bring you to a place where God opens a door and says- this is what I have been leading you toward - follow me - dream with me - obey me. I feel that God is multiplying my life more than any other time in the last 43 years. I question, am I trustworthy enough to finish strong? Am I the leader I need be to finish this? Am I the husband that I need to be - the father I need to be - the Papa that I need to be? I don’t want to fail at any one of those points of life, because they are woven together as my life’s tapestry. Every thread is on display. Psalms 71:9 Do not cast me off in the time of old age;Do not forsake me when my strength fails. Abide my children- live a fruitful life